Directions

All my life I've wanted to be a mom. I've planned for it and prayed for it and just plain yearned for it. Always, always, always. I practiced on countless dolls, beanie babies, barbies, stuffed animals, pet hamsters, mice, a cat, and about a billion different fish - and finally I have my little boy!!!

I love him so much! But this post isn't about him - it's about me (like most of my posts). The mystery now to me is, after all the planning and wishing and hoping, why do I feel like I should have some kind of answer for the question "What did you do for school?" other than "I started my nursing degree.... and never finished it."

Even before Grant was born, I had found that the old saying is true - a woman's work is never done. I have plenty to keep me busy from day to day, between laundry, baby messes, the running of a household, cooking, cleaning, blogging, church responsibilities, bill paying.... you get the idea. It's not that I don't have enough to do! But here is the dilemma: Should I go back to school part-time? Full-time? Before I tell you the answer that will most likely win out, let me highlight the two different scenarios that are possible:

1. I could return to school full-time starting next September, for three years, and complete my nursing degree. It would be a lot of work and money, and we'd have to put off buying a house and having another baby.

2. I could do a program that is newly offered at the college, Emergency Medical Responder (the lowest-on-the-totem-pole version of a paramedic).

This is something I've wanted to do since I was very small. My mom used to tape the old show with William Shatner, Rescue 9-1-1, for me, since 9pm was way past my bedtime, and I loved to watch it. I didn't dream of being a nurse or doctor, but a paramedic.

The big appeal for this is that it is now at the college, as I said, which means it won't be such a crash course in comparison to the one offered at St. John's, and it is offered starting in January 2010, on Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 6-10pm! That would be ideal, as Trevor could take care of Grant, and he would no longer be nursing as he turns one year old in January. Even if Trevor were late coming home from work, I could most likely take Grant to his Grandma Curtis' house, which is not far from the college.

SO... I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this.

I would LOVE to finish my nursing degree, but I feel strongly that my work is here, in my home, with my baby, and I very much cannot justify putting him in daycare, delaying buying a house, and putting off having another baby for it.

The EMR course seems like a happy middle ground for me. I would be done in three months and get those fancy letters at the end of my name - and the fancy piece of paper on the wall. Perhaps this is more an issue of me being happy with where I am. I do love being at home with Grant, and it is SO much better than working - I simply can't stress that enough. And I want to have another baby - many more, if I can. And we obviously want to buy a house as soon as possible.

So that will most likely be what I do. Right now I am just finishing up my bookkeeping course, and once I finish that (in the next few weeks) I will allow myself to (most likely) apply to the EMR program at the college. Hopefully the January session won't be full by then.

Wish me luck!

Note: Sometime in the future I would still love to finish my nursing degree and I am determined to - but it will wait. Being a mother in the most important work in the world.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

No other success can compensate for failure in the home. ~President David O. McKay